Angel Mojo
by that-whovian-nerdfighter
Summary: In which Cas uses his angelic power to tell Dean some things without Dean actually seeing or hearing him


"Dean, I.." it was so hard to say even when Dean couldn't hear him, couldn't even see him for god's sake. Castiel did this often, when he would use his angelic power to practice confessing to Dean. He had not yet gotten as far as "I love you" or god forbid "I'm in love with you" but he was getting there, step by tiny step. Every day Cas would "pop" in, watch over Dean, confess something, anything to him, and then leave. They didn't even have to be secrets, sometimes he would tell Dean stories of his experiences from thousands of years ago. His favourite story to tell Dean was that of David and Goliath. He really liked that story because it proved that even if you _feel_ like you have no one left to turn to, there's always going to be someone that cares. Sometimes it was difficult, other times it was easier, but today it was time for the big truth. Cas had built up to this. He told himself he was ready. He reminded himself that his feelings were true and he tried to calm himself down, but to no avail. If Cas couldn't say this now then how was he supposed to say it when Dean actually could hear him? Maybe this was pointless and he should just return to heaven for a while. But he did in fact like the bunker a lot more than heaven. Constantly at war with himself, Castiel was. Never quite able to come to terms with himself. Cas had, however come to terms with his affections towards Dean some time ago but he wasn't quite sure how to express them. He considered letting Dean into his mind but he feared that Dean might find some secrets that Cas was not yet willing to share. Cas wanted to believe that Dean loved him in a romantic way but he couldn't be certain. He wanted to tell Dean how he felt but there were obvious risks. Then again, they've gotten over bigger obstacles in their relationship. Obstacles that Cas would rather not reflect upon. So much pain and suffering he had caused Dean in the past, and he thought he was ready to tell Dean he loved him? Would Dean even believe it? Deep down Cas doubted that Dean had ever forgiven him for the things that he's done. Even if Cas always thought he was doing the right thing, everything seemed to turn on him time and time again. Yet still Cas practiced and practiced in front of Dean. Clueless Dean. There Cas stood in front of his hunter, reminding himself that such love is forbidden in heaven, but the angels weren't much of a family to Cas. He would have much preferred to have been with the Winchesters his whole life, and for well, forever. What would he and Dean even do if their feelings were mutual? Cas didn't know. Cas didn't even know if Dean-as you say- "swings that way". So many variables, and Cas wasn't going to settle for a maybe. This was all so very confusing. Cas wasn't even _supposed _to have these feelings, only humans are. Angels are warriors, sent by god to smite the evil, not to fall in love with humans. Many angels considered humans as mindless apes but Cas saw far beyond that. Ever since his creation humanity has fascinated him. Even though they could be destructive and violent at times, so many had grown to be so much more than that. They created cites, civilizations, cultures, languages, religions, etcetera. Cas always had a soft spot for humanity but he never thought his affections would lead to this. He never thought it would lead to hi standing in front of a human, heart pounding, pupils dilating, and stomach doing the strangest things. Cas had gone in a full circle now, and this was as good of a time as any. He looked Dean straight in the eyes, took a deep breath and said in his clearest tone:

"Dean, I love you"

That wasn't so bad. He said it again;

"Dean, I love you"

Again

"Dean, I love you"

Once more

"Dean, I love you"

Cas closed his eyes now. He can't just say that, there's so much more he could tell him. Cas had confessed, now he was going to apologize.

"Dean, I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't cover it but for what it's worth I am truly sorry for all the pain you've had to endure because of me. Every day I think about the awful things I've done and every day I think that I should have just pulled you out of hell then left. Then it wouldn't have to have come to this. I'm sorry and I can't say it enough. _I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry"_ Cas was crying now "I'm so so sorry, Dean."

Cas opened his tear-filled eyes to find Dean staring at him-or at least where he would have been- in the most loving way. This confused Cas because he wasn't actually there, only his consciousness was. Dean could see him or hear him.

Only he could

It took Cas a moment to register what was happening. He felt confused, mostly, until Dean too started crying. But he was smiling. Cas blinked a few times before Dean gently took Cas' face into his right hand and placed a hard kiss on his lips. Something exploded inside the both of them, an explosion that drew them closer together. How long had they waited to do this? Why had they waited? Why would either of them pass up something like this for such a long period of time? Nothing really made sense anymore because it was just Dean and Castiel right now. After a while Dean slowly pulled away from Cas and said one thing, only one;

"I forgive you"


End file.
